Are Men, or Women, Mediocre?

I admit it is, on the face of it, a stupid question. "Mediocre," as a concept, refers to a relation to the mean or average, and when one takes a category as broad as "men" or "women," it is impossible to relate it to the mean or average since the category itself comprises the mean or average.

However, it is a question that I was recently asked by a woman. "Why are there so many mediocre men in the world?" And my response was, of course, "How do you know it isn't the women who are mediocre?"

She meant, of course, that in her quest to locate the perfect man, she was running into dozens upon dozens of men whom she considers to be woefully inadequate. And my response, of course, was intended to sensitize her to the fact that it may not be the men she is running into that are the problem - maybe it is the standard she is using to judge, or (horrors!) maybe it is the judge herself!

In my counseling, I often see women whose expectations regarding relationships are imbalanced, to say the least, and outrageous, to say the most. Again, my counseling experience goes back 20 years, and I can honestly say that it is worse today than it was in, say, 1988.

Women come into relationships with two influences present, and one influence lacking, which makes it absolutely impossible for them to build a quality relationship as they once did in the past. The two influences that are present are feminism and the media (which I often refer to as Oprah, in recognition that all mainstream media today is a progenitor of watered-down feminism and is female-centered), and the influence that is lacking is a religion, a coherent philosophy, or some other dominant worldview that is actually attached to reality.

Women today expect for their relationships to make them happy. Happiness, of course, is not a goal (both religion and classical philosophy recognize this) but is rather a byproduct of making correct choices and of fulfilling one's duty. Yet feminism, and our feminist culture represented by the media, teaches women that they have no responsibility that they are obligated to fulfill. Don't want a baby? Abort it. Don't want your husband? Leave, and use the power of the state to get him out of your hair! Want his money but not his presence? Don't worry, child support and alimony will relieve you of the duty of providing for a family and false allegations of child abuse or domestic violence will allow you to keep your kids. Women expect, because both Oprah and Sex in the City tell them it is so, to have the world (i.e., men) catering to their every whim for as long as they (men) are wanted, then to meekly walk away when they are no longer needed. But don't forget to mail that check!

Because women no longer have any duties (so society tells them), they cannot properly understand what it means to love another person. Love is, after all, not an emotion, but it is rather a settled commitment to be loyal, faithful, and act in another's best interest even when your emotions may make it difficult for you to do so. Because women are no longer capable of love, they spend their years flitting from one unfulfilling relationship to another all the while wondering what it is that is wrong with men. Why don't men want relationships? Why can't men make them feel loved? But of course, those of us who are men - who learned to love our fellowman in the military, on football fields, and in the workplace - understand that we only FEEL acceptance when we have committed our loyalty to something larger than ourselves. Since feminism and the media tells women that there is nothing larger than themselves and their notional fancies (which change from moment to moment), women - to the extent that they buy into feminism and the dominant feminist culture (whether they consider themselves to be feminists or not) are incapable of finding the one thing that they seek: a loving, stable relationship.

The problem is, the problem isn't the men. Men are getting the blame - just as Nazis gave the blame to Jews - but the blame belongs firmly with women themselves, whose character, development, and ability to love has been compromised by feminism. So there is an endless cycle of blaming, resentment, fear, and frustration that women feel toward the men in their lives which undermines every single relationship in which they engage. Yet the perceived problems never find resolution because the perceived problems (men) are not the real problem (women’s buying into feminist fallacies) – and no matter how many times you attack the wrong problem, it isn’t going to solve the real one.

The other dynamic that I have noticed is something that became plain to me one night while at a club. There was a Country & Western song that was popular some time back, called, I think, "I Ain't Settlin'," in which a band of foxy female country music singers extol their own virtues and warble on about how just any old man will not do for them - in other words, they refuse to settle for anything other than the greatest man on earth.

However, I noted while working in the club that, though this song was generally popular, it tended to be popular with women who were about four feet eleven ,weighing approximately 200 pounds, with A-cups for breasts, nappy hair, no job, a passel of kids, thrice-divorced, and a face not wholly unlike that of the average hedgehog.

Now sure, if you are 5'8 with DD breasts, a multimillion dollar income from country music, and a body and face that causes premature ejaculation as you walk down the street, it is easy to sing, "I ain't settling." The problem is, that snotty attitude that "I am too good for the average guy" has been internalized, because it is constantly promoted in the media, by the female population at large, who really can't get away with it. Frankly, for the average women who sings "I Ain't Settlin'", the average guy would be selling himself quite short.

So, it is to a certain extent a problem that is innate to women. Women tend to be emotional and vain. That has always been true. The real problem, though, is that feminism has come along and told them that they are justified in their vanity and told them that what they want emotionally is more important than life as it really exists. Women have bought this bill of goods by the millions.

And therefore it is women, not men, who are the problem. And if a solution to the widespread social ills, as well as the personal struggles of women, is to be found, it will be found consequent to a change from women themselves.